Instagram Thing

Doing this Instagram thing has been a whirlwind. I gained popularity fairly quickly for how uneducated I am in the “business” and for how little effort and confidence I was able to put into it. My photography is nowhere near professional or extremely beautiful, I don’t always have all the products, my house wasn’t the most photographable and my shyness kept me from pursuing my absolutely best. I did this when I heard my late friends grandfather say at her funeral that she wanted to be an Instagram blogger. If she couldn’t do it, then I had to do it for her.

I lost sight of that.

I got wrapped up in my follower count. “I am only 100 away from 3K. I’m a failure.” “I could never hit 10K. I’m a failure.” “My photos aren’t good enough.” “Big brands won’t want me on their PR”. “Why can’t I get the PR everyone else gets.” “Why is my skin still shitty.”

This was a constant battle I had with myself. I spent hours following accounts, liking endless photos, commenting whether it was genuine or not. It was exhausting and it was hurting my mental health. I was losing my confidence that I could do this and I was losing faith in me and my new found hobby.

I have never really had a true hobby that I could dive completely into, until I found skincare/makeup and discovered I could do this on Instagram. I could send out my reviews and opinions with cute pics and people would respond! How cool! Attention AND skincare. My dream. I could even get sent stuff for free?? What!!!

It was bloody brilliant until all this negative shit. I loved the friends I made and the connections I created, but they weren’t worth me spending my days staring at my phone missing out on my beautiful relationship, my kitties and life. So I took two months off. I disabled my account and just wiped my hands of it with no intention or date to go back to it.

Until I lost my job, moved into my perfect apartment and wanted to start fresh. So here I am, starting fresh. I have a new skincare routine I will stick too. I made 8 promises to myself regarding my Instagram and I took so many photos until I literally created what I thought I couldn’t do. I can do this and I’m going to do this to keep my heart happy and my brain stimulated and content. I am going to love my photos, talk to my friends, share shit on stories and hope it’s funny and just not care about the rest.

Much love, xo