my #1 skin concern.

i very clearly remember the day my mom took me to the drugstore when i was about eleven, and she said it was time to start some skincare since my skin was starting to go through puberty. puberty was cruel to me in that i didn't get boobs until i was about sixteen, but oh boy did it hit me hard with the acne. i had a lovely collection of pimples for the first time ever and it felt like it had hit me all at once. my loving momma first started me out with spectro gel and a selection of acne treatments from clean & clear, including a brutally drying toner. bless her soul she was trying so hard to help me out but i remember the dryness feeling unbearable and the acne not changing. that's when we went to the doctor and started a whole slew of acne treatments. i'll save that one for my big acne post coming in the future though!

so, having acne since i was 11 has taken the biggest toll on me and now, thirteen years later, i have my battle scars called post acne hyperpigmentation. my skin is mostly smooth (thank you TLC Framboos), and soft except when the weather sucks all the life and moisture out of it (also the extremely hot showers i daily crave). but sadly my skin isn't clear because i have been left with all these little red marks on my skin from where i had large painful cysts and pimples and even the smaller ones that i raged or nervously picked at. i know this is my biggest mistake, because improperly popping and picking at pimples has caused me to have this scarring and discolouration. also, i was quite stupid and uneducated in the skincare department and did not use a consistent SPF with all of those acne treatments i was on. so i'm terrified that the sun made the marks worse and that some could be permanent. now i make it my mission to wear my sunscreen everyday to protect my skin from the sun especially now that i am using high strength acids and retinol on my skin which can make skinsun sensitive even more.

i still struggle with leaving my skin alone. i feel so desperate some days that i wish i could just scratch all the marks and acne away. i don't get pimples as often anymore but whenever i do get one, my first reaction is to pop. i know. SO BAD. i wish i could go back to the days where i was most self conscious and smack my hand away from creating such a habit of picking at my face. it gets worse when my anxiety is acting up or when i am bored and do it subconsciously. i feel i have no hope of fixing it now since i usually don't realize i do it. BUT, i do believe i have hope with the continued use of beautiful skincare.

now on to the products i am using to combat this silliness! first of all, i have truly embraced my skin. i have this skin for a reason and it doesn't make me any less beautiful nor does it define me. it's just a part of who i am and if i think of it positively, it has brought me to here, my love for skincare encased in a blog! secondly, retinol. retinol is extremely well research and well thought out. it has the incredible ability to basically teach new skin cells to regenerate in a "younger" way with it boosting collagen, turning cells over quicker to get rid of the damaged stuff and in helping "push out" the gunk in the skin that has been clogging the pores. it can stop acne in its tracks, make fine lines and wrinkles plump right up and even erase (okay maybe at most extremely minimize) dark spots and discolouration. sounds like a dream right? retinol is usually known as Retin-A and is prescribed by a doctor or dermatologist. i tried this once in a tube called Tretinoin and oh my gahd it burned and peeled the crap out of my skin. i haven't touched the stuff since. then Drunk Elephant came out with their fancy A Passioni vegan retinol and it perked my interest again! so i tried it out, it did quite literally nothing. i heard person after person saying how it burned their skin and it made them peel and all these scary things so i marched into Sephora and very happily exchanged it for Sunday Riley's Luna (full review will be up in a month or so to see if it works!). this oil claims to be more gentle and soothing since it's a gentler and lower percentage formula and has beautiful ingredients like the calming blue tansy. plus my kitty is named Luna, so i needed it.

next comes the salicylic acid and glycolic acid. i freaking love these ingredients. i spoke about them in a past post talking about my love for TLC Framboos, so you can check that out if you already haven't. but i wanted something with more salicylic acid, so a lovely Sephora employee pointed me in the direction of Caudalie's Vinopure serum! i have a good feeling this one will have a review too because my skin felt much less bumpy after one use and the smell......omg the smell is like a vineyard heaven! i'm also using the Kiehl's cannabis sativa and oregano oil (thanks to uber babe Song for this recommendation) for the extra hydration and calming effect for my skin. Drunk Elephant C-Frima becasue vitamin c is supposed to be good for scars and brightening (i'm not yet convinced but i'll use up my bottle) and my new Dr. Roebucks Lifesaver toner that has some glycolic acid in it; i cannot get enough. my worry is that i might dry out my skin, but i switched to gentle cleansers. Noosa by Dr. Roebuck's in the morning and Youth to The People kale and spinach cleanser at night. the Noosa is super nourishing and the YTTP is cleansing without being stripping. they are perfect!

so that's it! this is the start of me really fighting to clear up these post acne marks so i can further feel more comfortable in my skin and get that glow i crave so much. i'm excited to test this out in a very strict manner for a month and i will be reporting back!

much love, xo